A very wise person said to always remember that conversion is a milepost on your way to becoming Jewish — not the final desitnation.  On the other side of the mikveh, I know that those words couldn’t be more true.  Yes… I agree when the Rabbi says — "you know, you were already Jewish when you officially converted" but I also realize how much more I have to learn… a whole lifetime’s worth… and I’m excited about that.  The next step is the mommy mitzvah group.  A group of about five of us from my daughter’s preschool are all going to study for our adult bat mitzvah together.  I’m now practicing the Hebrew — I now almost understand what it must be like ot be illiterate…

To keep up with my journey as I learn to be more comfortable in my newly Jewish skin — come visit me at my new blog http://mommybutterfly.com.

Last week, I had the most fabulous day,  my daughter’s Jewish preschool in Albuquerque  (Congregation Albert) sponsored a picnic in the park for preschool families. We spent the morning hanging out,  singing, playing and having a picnic.  The kids played and I got to catch up wth with moms.  It was really great to be part of such a fun group. Here are five reasons why I am very glad that I chose to send my daughter to a Jewish preschool.

1.  It is a great way to break the ice and get involved in your temple.  For the first time (and we’ve been members of 4 temples — three in Virginia though) — I feel really comfortable at the synagogue.  Part of that is due to an awesome outreach program — but another just part is that I know people at the temple and Suzanne has friends there.

2.  Suzanne is learning about Judaism through arts, crafts and song.

3.  Suzanne’s Dad wants to be more involved because he remembers the songs from camp that Suzanne is singing in preschool.

4.  We light Shabbat candles because Suzanne does at school.

5. I have a wonderful group of fellow Jewish mommies to use as a sounding board.

We officially ended our Passover celebration with a Mimouna celebration at the Temple.  It was a fundraiser for the Youth Group.  Good Food, Good Music, Good Company…  I swear lasagna never tasted so good :)  I also think that in about 10 years I"m gonna be in *big* trouble S likes to dance *way* too much…

Wow… Passover is over.  Today we put away the passover dishes, the matzah, the hagaddahs,  deflated the guest air beds, cleaned the house.  Everything feels so… light… airy…

I must admit Passover felt a little different this year.  This is my 15th Passover but my first as an official Jew.  There just seemed to be a bit more pressure, more obligation (but then again that could have been all the houseguests…)    I’m finally recovered from all the excitement last week — cleaning the house gave me energy back

Now… what to change the name of this blog too… Emerging Jewish Mommy?  Go back to Mamabalaya?  Any thoughts?

Yesterday was the formal welcoming ceremony at the Temple.  Again, we got there early … I wish I could summon that sort of fire when getting my daughter to school — I don’t think we ever make there less than a 1/2 hour late.  We went into the Rabbi’s study and signed the beautiful certficate — I really hate the fact that I am so illiterate in Hebrew that I can’t even write my own name.  It is a strange feeling — since I am very literate in English — something to work on I guess.

My collection of friends and family atteneded (and still others brought food…) It was nice to see so many people there.  Jame, Suzanne and I went up on to the bimah for the ceremony.  The Rabbi said some very nice things about my being an enthusiastic person (although I think sometimes my serious California accent makes my sarcasm seem like enthusiasm …) He still pegged it when he said that I was very intersted in making a diference — I think that’s the most important thing we all do.  I answered questions and got to hold the torah (which was light but big).  I read more from the ceremony — I honestly don’t remember what I read — but my Dad said that I projected well…

Then it was over… I was officially a Jew.  The problem then was that we were using a new prayerbook so I felt so lost…(and a little guilty like I should know my way around the book — but I didn’t.  I was reassured later that *nobody* knew what was going.  My dear friend and mentor Judie got an aliyah which was very nice of the Rabbi to do.  All of my "peeps" seemed to enjoy the service and now I think Jame’s mom has put Albuquerque back on her list.

Lunch was lovely, lovely….we ate, helped clean up and then went home to get ready for my first officially Jewish seder.  I was so exhausted by all the emotion at that point that it went by in a blur — but I really enjoyed having friends and family over and celebrating together… Lesson to parents — do not sit all the kids together — oy!

Do I feel any different yes and no… after all I have been falling in love with Judaism for a long time.  This weekend was about formalizing the committment — I’ve grown a lot during this process both intellectually and spiritually — but I’m realizing how much I still have to learn.  I’m excited to keep learning and growing.

Don’t expect anything… the Rabbi said.

He either knew me all too well or not at all…  My mikveh was this past Friday and the official conversion ceremony on Saturday and I was full of expectations. I’m always full of expectations — I live about 2 weeks ahead of myself all the time.  And… of course I spent the last few weeks rehearsing in my mind  and imaginging what it would all be like…

 I think I"ve read every single mikveh essay on the Internet… and I knew that it would be an incredible experiece… but I was still having a tough time getting over the "strangeness" of it all — the thought of skinny dipping in a pool that doubles as a spa hot tub in front of the some people I knew and some people I didn’t was a little unsettling.  I think I had the jitters for at least 3 weeks before…  the only thing that made it any better was that my ceremony was passover weekend and I was having a houseful of guests and 12 for seder, and then there was the matter of finding a terry cloth bathrobe in April… the day before the event it was 35 degrees outside at 8 in the morning — so I also was a little afraid of being cold, cold, cold…

The day finally came.. Jame, my mom (who came from Utah), my friend (from Chicago), Jame’s Mom (who came in from CA) and I all piled into the car and drove down to the Spa/Mikveh.  Of course, we got there *way* early — mostly because I know my family runs late and I didn’t want to miss my own event.   Finally the Rabbi and Cantor arrived — and it was time…  I took a shower, combed out my hair and went out to the mikveh (which was a private hot tub in a small patio — very beautiful with wisteria overhead and tulips).

I must admit I did feel huge jitters and butterflies and just a little bit of awkwardness standing there in my  fluffy pink bathrobe in front of a small crowd of observers.  But the Rabbi and the Cantor exuded warmth and calm… I poured some rainwater into the spa (rainwater is precious, precious in Albuquerque).  I read Ruth’s "where you go I go" , took off the robe and very quickly into the calm warm spa I went.

The water embraced me.  The whole time I was sort of treading water — the pool was only about 3 feet deep but the water felt so nice I just wanted to float.  I closed my eyes and felt the sun on my eyelids. 

The first dip was for the past… I thought about my grandmother, my cousins, my teachers and my friends,  I said the blessing for tevilah (which I had memorized — but was so enchanted by the warm water that it flew out of my head completely and I was glad that the Rabbi could "spoon feed" it to me).. and then the first dip.  I swam to the bottom of the hot tub and tried to get into a ball … it was nice down under the water… so comfortable.  But, I’m not a fish — so back up I went. 

The second dip was for the present.  The rabbi had me concentrate on the state of being in the moment… and I actually managed to do that feeling the warm water around me and the warm sun on my face. I sang the Shema with the Cantor and down for a second time I went.

The third dip was for the future.  I thought of my future as I wish it to be full of friends, family and love. I said the Shekianu and dipped for the last time.  I was a little sad to leave the water it was so nice… but I figured that everyone didn’t want to wait the three hours I could have soaked in the tub (it isn’t a total coincidence that my Hebrew name is Maya…).  I managed to get out of the tub, and we all gathered for a blessing.  It was a nice ceremony — but at the time I was a little too caught up in events to really feel anything special.

But, about 20 minutes later, in the car on the way home,  I felt a incredible sense of peace and quiet.  It was as if some of the still, still waters of the mikveh found their way into my soul.  

Leah over at Accdiently Jewish blogged about how Weight Watchers let her know about some yummy sounding Passover recipes they’ve posted on their site.  I have 14 people coming to celebrate my mikveh/conversion/ceremony AND passover — so I was particularly grateful for the link.  I’m also trying to lose some weight as an advance 40th birthday present for myself so the recipes sure help.

Thanks Leah and Weight Watchers!

Went home for spring break.  Actually ended up (pretty unintentionally) flying home on Easter so S and I got caught up in Easter brunch and an easter egg hunt.  Not that I particuarly care one way or the other about peeps and chocolate eggs, but it was funny how my sister make a point of telling me which cassorole had turkey sausage and which had ham.  Everyone was also very nice about asking whether S could have ham or not.  It think it is actually funny.  We’ve been raising S as a Jew all along — but now that I’m officially converting (with a date and everything) my family decides to be nice and ask. 

I’m just glad they are supportive, really.  I also think it is so cutte when my Mom asks when my mitzvah is.  I suppose you *could* look at it that way

Purim is my daughter’s favorite holiday.  What is there for a 4 year old girly girl not to like?.  She gets to wear her princess dress to a carnival with games, cotton candy and popcorn, boo and cheer loudly with her friends and come home and make hamentaschen… 

But… when you asked her what she was dressing as — her answer this year was both Cinderella *and* Esther.  Last year, interestingly, she was Vashti, I’m not really sure why…   Anyway,  Cinderella and Esther have some definite similaries in that they are both rags to princess stories.  I think Cinderella gets the better prince in the end (although we don’t *know* that for sure…)  but Esther gets to be a heroine in a way that Cinderella never could be

Being the fish that I am — I allowed myself to be volunteered to chair my Temple’s communication committee.  I think it was the worst meeting I ever (theoretically) was in charge of.   Everyone was talking over each other, at the same time, really loudly.  Things were a lot more genteel in Virginia where I’ve spent most of my professional life.  I admire everyone’s passion — but wonder if we’ll be able to make any good recomendations…. Oh well, live and learn (not to volunteer), right?

This weekend was spent calling people telling and inviting them over for Passover.  We promised last year that we would host at our house this year — I didn’t know then that my mikveh and conversion ceremony would be the day before passover.  Well, most everyone forgot about the passover invite.  So, we ended up calling everyone and letting them know what was going on.  I had talked about coverting with everyone 2 or 3 years ago — but really hadn’t mentioned it since except for talking about my classes, the temple etc.   And, I have to admit that I’m personally torn between keeping this on the down low so I can just blend in or proudly letting people know what’s up.  Still, if someone who is not Jewish and not close were to ask me what’s up with me — I think it would be way geeky to blurt out — I’m converting to Judasim on April 18th :)  People (outside of Utah where I grew up) just don’t talk about religion much in every day conversation.

My family’s reaction was supportive to the extreme — OK — we’ll come — when do you want us there?  Can we babysit when you are at the mikveh?

DH’s mom (in about a 30 second time frame)

- Oh this is surprise…

- Well, actually, I heard rumors…

- Meredith’s Mom actually told me a while ago — but  I wasn’t quite sure how to bring it up.  Can I come to the mikveh?

Which, all in all, is a good repsonse..  DH’s family is not terribly religious so I think my converting scares them — it is so much more religiously Jewish than they are.  

DH’s Dad

Oh, you can actually convert?

My dearest friend (who is both very secular and very Jewish)

Cool.  I knew you’d get around to it eventually.  You need to be what you are. I’m so happy for you.

So, there you go… now, I  need to get started cleaning and planning, Passover is comng soon